Have you ever had one of those days (weeks??) when you’re up against a wall? When it seems that everything’s going awry? When the simplest task—or what you thought would be the simplest task—throws you up against that wall? That brick wall. For me it often involves the inability to talk to the right person for what seems to be a simple answer. Or TECHNOLOGY.
It’s the latter that’s kept me paralyzed for the last four hours. Actually it started over a week ago when I was disconnected from the expert who seemed to be on the path to resolving my situation. I couldn’t follow through just then because of “mitigating circumstances”…the kind that blocks progress…so returned to the problem today. After scouring several leads for the solution, I finally found a site that promised resolution. AHA! Help is on the way. And…for the last hour a little blue ball continued its hamster-wheel circuitous route as a message on my computer announced: Your current position in line is 1.
Yes, I’d prayed for resolution. And patience. An end to frustration. And a Christ-like attitude. And patience. And one last “it’s-up-to-you-God” plea. Finally, in desperation I tried to see if I could connect through the “back way” (something I tried countless times earlier) and… The problem disappeared!
WHY??? Think of all the writing I could have done, the book I could have read, even the household tasks I (maybe) could have accomplished.
All the paragraphs above to describe a situation that, in light of unresolved social and world problems, illnesses, death, broken relationships, carries little to no weight. I don’t do well with unanswered questions, and I am forced to live in this world with a long list. And wait.
This past week I’ve been living—waiting—in the Land of Remembering. I remember Bob’s 86th birthday one year ago. I remember that only a few days later his unexpected—though not unanticipated—death rocked my world. I don’t have answers to computer issues, and on the cosmic scale, I don’t have answers to people gun downed in shopping centers and parks and schools. Or bloody war in Ukraine. Or disease. Or…
I have absolutely no answer to my frustrations today. Or why death, disease, dying surround the—my—world. My feeble choice is to live with weak, but growing, faith. To keep walking with my hand in the hand of the One who promises to never leave me. And that’s just enough.